Monday, 26 October 2015

Achievement unlocked: Growing a bump

I was reading through some old stuff I wrote aggges ago and came across this. Enjoy, cringe it's up to you :)

The first trimester for me (and like most women probably) was mainly spent sleeping or trying not to throw up in front of people...especially at work, especially the patients. The first trimester for me felt very surreal as they were moments where I could forget I was pregnant or I had to consciously think about being pregnant because there wasn't anything to see.

The bloating was awful, by 13 weeks I couldn't fit into any trousers or jeans without a hideous tyre sitting on top. Husband and I were due to go into town to do some shopping one weekend and I could not find anything that that would fit my bottom half. I ended up having a strop and wearing a T-shirt and leggings. It was not glamorous at all and I felt ridiculous.

Maternity clothes are a little like Marmite I think; some women hate the idea of them and fight against them as long as they can and other women (myself included) embrace them as a badge that says ‘I’M GROWING A HUMAN!!!’ I adored my maternity clothes particularly the trousers, it was a sad day when I had to go back to zips and buttons.

couldn't wait for the day I would have a bump and I could show it off.

I got so frustrated that it took so long or felt like it took so long to grow a bump! I would look in the mirror and think well where the hell is it?! I got very fed up of people telling me I didn't have a ‘real’ bump. I look back now at photos of me cooing over my 16 week bump and think ha! You've got no idea what’s coming!! But then I guess that’s the beauty of hindsight.
Your bump is your ‘evidence’ that you’re pregnant; it’s the only evidence until the bladder boxing begins.

The downside to a bump is people seem to take it as a sign that they can now touch you and rub your belly as if you are Buddha. I had a colleague at work do this from 13 weeks to the point that I used to try and waddle at speed away from her whenever I saw her in the corridor. People also see your bump as an invitation to comment on your size. At no other time in a woman’s life would you do this, it’s almost like people expect you to enjoy this discussion. In my experience you cannot win when commenting on the size of a woman’s bump. If you say she doesn't have one she will probably be disappointed because as I said before a bump is a sign you are pregnant and are ‘upgrading’ to motherhood. If you say how massive her bump is and she’s only 20 weeks you are probably going to offend the shit out of her and that’s not good either. There isn't a right answer but there are plenty of wrong ones such as...

‘You look huge! You’ll never make your due date’.

‘You don’t look like you’ve got a bump, you just look like you’ve had a big meal’.

‘Are you sure it’s not twins?!’

And my personal favourite....drum roll please...

The person looks at you all smiley and says..

‘You can’t have much longer left, how many weeks are you?’ 

and you reply..

'30 weeks, I’ve got 10 weeks left’. 

Then they look at you a little bit the bit in a horror film where the main protagonist realises who the killer has been all along.

I lost count of all the times this happened to me. 

Once I gained a bump of epic proportions I forgot a time when I didn't know what it was like to live without it. The first time I went to the toilet after coming home from hospital I went upstairst and it felt so good to walk up the stairs instead of dragging myself along the banister grunting and stopping at the top to catch my breath.

Having a bump was beautiful, kind of disturbing, irritating and amusing. Seeing my bump grow knowing my little one is growing and getting closer to being born is beautiful, incredible, exciting and fascinating. Seeing my baby make my stomach move from the outside however is definitely like something out of Alien, like any minute that little bugger is going to burst out screeching and zip into one of the kitchen cupboards. It is irritating because overtime I become the slow person everyone races to get to the escalator because no one wants to be stuck behind your slow ass. Last but not least it is amusing because sometimes your size creeps up on you. I remember laying flat in bed and then trying to sit up and having a brief panic when I realised I couldn't. I was only about 28 weeks at the time and it was quite scary. The amount of times I misjudged my size and ended up bumping into things was ridiculous. 

A bump of E.P.I.C proportions, 39 weeks!!

A lot of women say they miss being pregnant and miss their bump, I don't think I do. Sometimes I miss the fact that for 9 months it was just me and Alice, we had a relationship that no one else will ever understand or experience. Even if I get pregnant again it won't be the same as being pregnant with Alice because every baby and pregnancy is different; it truly was a once in a lifetime experience. 

Something that surprised me about having a bump is how it changed my attitude towards my body. I didn't realise how focused I was before on how this bit needs to be thinner, or that bit needs to be more toned. When I was about 33 weeks pregnant I looked back at photos of me at 11 weeks pregnant and I thought jeez I look slim! Even though at the time I remember feeling huge. I'm not worried any more about how my body looks, yes I want to be a healthy weight and I really should exercise more to try and be healthier but I like my shape now, wobbles and marks and all. 

38 weeks pregnant, just me and Alice


  1. Ahh, lovely post. Pregnancy clearly suits you, you looked beautiful :-) Oh my god, yes though, the comments on your size, why on earth do people think that's acceptable just because you're pregnant (and likely to be more sensitive than normal!)??

    I loved maternity clothes, is it bad that I still wear some of them now?? Also the trying not to throw up in front of patients. My worst time was when a poor lady had been incontinent and I was trying so hard not to let her see me gag (normally it wouldn't have bothered me at all).

    1. Aww thank you! :D I have no idea where the comments come from it's bizarre! I was on nights at one point when I was only a few weeks pregnant and everyone was was tough not to throw up haha but not as tough as your experience I'm sure!