Sometimes it’s hard to be an egg as opposed to a potato. Stress, busy lives not to mention sleep deprivation start to feel really heavy after a while.
Everyone has good days and bad days; the good days feel amazing and the bad days feel lonely and never ending. I find it really hard to feel even a shred of positivity when I’m having a bad day. I disappoint myself, I consider myself the worst mum in the world and sometimes even being in my own skin feels unbearable. It feels like things might never feel better again even though I know they will, sometimes it feels like I don’t deserve them to get better again.
I find it strange how time feels different in good moments and bad ones. Time in the bad moments moves slower, it’s heavy and suffocating. Time in the good moments is fleeting, it’s uplifting and peaceful.
I want to make more of an effort to make the good moments last longer, so here we are, my weekly reasons to be glad.
#1 My husband
Someone once asked me what my relationship with my husband is like and I said ‘it’s all the things I never thought were real in a relationship, it’s like the whole prince charming thing’. He’s loving, he’s kind, he’s loyal, he compliments me, he makes me laugh more than anyone and we have so much fun. He listens, he offers support, and he respects me and my independence.
|That beautiful moment just after the ceremony where|
he whispers something rude to his pregnant bride..and then
giggles about it.
If you had asked me 14 months ago if I knew how much he loved me I would have said ‘of course!’ but really I had no idea.
Becoming parents is a complete life changer anyway, it changes things forever and some of this change is bloody tough. This was our experience but on top of that I have struggled since Alice’s birth and with becoming a mum in general.
It probably sounds dramatic but I assure it’s not when I say it must have been bloody tough at times living with me over the last year. The mood swings from anger to sadness to happiness and back again, the anxiety particularly at night, the insomnia and panic attacks (which still happen quite a lot this far on from the birth) not to mention all the other crap. There were times when not only was he looking after me, probably not sleeping and then working a full day he was also looking after a newborn. I don’t need to list all the times that were hard, the point is that he was there and he still is.
He was there patient, kind, loving and understanding through no matter what. He never once lost his temper with either me or Alice and never even seemed phased by whatever was going on. He has complete faith in me as his wife and as Alice's mum...and I think I need to listen to him more on this.
The biggest thing is he makes me happy, we make each other happy. We have so many happy memories, our first holiday to Barcelona, our wedding day, that time we spent ages trying to get a humungous moth out of the house. After a long time of chasing this friggin’ moth we finally catch it and let it loose out the front door for it to fly straight back in! We caught it again and husband ends up running to the end of the drive, releasing it and running back in. What our new neighbours think I have no idea but we laughed so hard because of this moth and we STILL laugh about it now.
|The responsible faces of parenting. That's right folks,|
someone put US in charge of a small person.